How hard is it for other people to deal with you?

It is so common in business and personal worlds to talk about how difficult, unreasonable, temperamental everyone else is. And yet some of the most even keeled, mature people I know are able--and willing--to articulate the ways in which they are hard to deal with.

I have to think that there's a link between being able to genuinely see and share what's difficult about oneself, and the capacity for effectively working with others.

And yet such an exercise is easier said than done. Here are several ideas for getting insight into your rough edges.


Accept that everyone--even you--has rough edges
Let go of the notion that you are, or need to be, special when it comes to being tough to deal with. We all have our moments, our weaknesses, our triggers. Know yourself, accept yourself, and then you'll have the greatest ability to act out of intention, as opposed to reflex.

Use conflict as an opportunity for learning
Did you get in a tiff with someone? I was at a workshop where I had a "moment" with someone. It struck me that not everyone had that same experience--there must have been something about how I approached the interaction that contributed to where it ended up. That's where the gold is. Are there people who manage to get into fights with everyone? Yes, but they are rare. Most of the time there's something we could have done differently to get a better outcome. Find that.

Ask people you trust for feedback
This is a tricky one, but can pay handsome returns. The people you are around all of the time know you well. They have a lot to tell you, if you know how to get it from them. Will all of it be accurate? Heck no! But if you ask enough people, and encourage them to talk, you'll hear patterns and get some gems. Is it easy? Not for me, but when I ask people I trust, it's strengthened our relationship, and gotten easier over time.

Self knowledge is power. How well do you know "how hard it is for other people to deal with you?"